| I know I have not written on this page in forever. I don't know if anyone will read this or not but I just needed to write so read it or don't whatever suits you but I have to say these things. I came to a realization today, now that I think about it, it is nothing new really. One of those things that you already know really but when it hits you again you are once again taken back, hit in the chest, knocked out of breath. I live in a country where you can have the word of God downloaded on to your cell phone in as many languages as you want in one country and half a world away people are being slaughtered for possessing a copy of the very same book. People in this country say the name of Christ every day as a swear word and all over this planet people are being shamelessly murdered for professing that very name. There are children in this country who spend their days never getting up but rather, watching television and stuffing their faces with whatever they can and there are children in Africa who daily run to shelters in fear for their lives, who face death by disease such as AIDS, and don't even have clean water to drink. I live in a place where I can sit up and night on the internet and ramble about whatever is troubling me and somewhere else in this world there are people dying because they don't have the money or means to get water, food, shelter, medicines, to survive. I live in a world where I can go to church as many times as I want in a week, every time taking it for granted, maybe even at times resenting it, and believers in Asia have to hide when they gather together, have to be secretive, yet they still go out and boldly proclaim the name of Jesus Christ, knowing that it very well may be the last thing they do or say. I wonder though. I bring all this up, I speak of what I think is going wrong with this world, but what can I do? What can a 20 year old girl from the little town of Dickinson TX, do to make a difference in this world? I cannot be everywhere, I cannot do that much, can I? What could I do? I could quit school, drain my bank account traveling this world trying with all that I am to make a difference. I could give until the very last breath has gone out of my body but would anything be accomplished? I could stay where I am finish my degree, and continue in whatever plans would be "typical" but that would not do either. Is there anything that I can do? I wonder? I guess for now the best that I can muster is to try and live my life with a broken heart. A heart that is always mindful of the pain that is out there and is here, trust me I hold no delusion that America is not in its own horrible world of pain. I guess for now I cry out to God with a sobbing broken heart. I pray that in some way He would work through me. In some way He would use me. I pray that when the time comes for me to move into a new action then what I now have that I would hear His voice and move without a moments hesitation. I pray that He would show this world His peace, that as many as can possible would come to know His amazing and healing love. I pray that in some way I can be a part of that. I pray that I would never settle for comfortable. i pray that I am always growing, always being molded and changed, and always crying out to the God who saves, I pray that as soon as I stop doing any of these things that He would take me off of this planet, because when I have ceased to do these things I have ceased to fulfill my purpose. If you are still there God bless you for hanging in and reading the rambling, typo-written, musings of my soul, I pray that in some way they inspire you to action. |
